Recovering From PTSD: What You Need to Be Your Best Self
Child Protective Services receives 5.5 million reports of child abuse per year in America, and over 1.5 million of those reports are substantiated with proof. About 65% of these children have been neglected, others have experienced physical, sexual or psychological abuse. These are children we’re talking about — young human beings, just starting out in life.
Three to fifteen percent of girls and one to six percent of the boys who experience trauma develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Our girl, Madeline, was one of them.
A Washington State social worker contacted Great Life Mentoring to see if we could help this eleven-year-old who was living in a foster home. Our staff responded, “yes, we believe we can help — and we want to.” She went to work on it right away.
Fortunately, a volunteer (Myra) was already in training at the time, and when she heard about Madeline, Myra said, “I have a soft spot for her already. I’d like to be her mentor.” Within a few weeks, the match was made.
Madeline had long been facing what seemed like insurmountable odds. She no longer had contact with her birth parents, who had lost their parental rights. She was a victim of abuse. She had been to various foster homes, which included changing schools. The instability was stacked against her, and her PTSD was ongoing.
With such a rough start at life, how would Madeline ever become her best self?
The paid social systems were doing what they could. For years, Madeline had various social workers, mental health therapists, foster parents and other paid professionals working to help her.
But Great Life Mentoring was different. Myra was the only adult not paid to be in Madeline’s life. The purity of this kind of support allowed them to have a very unique relationship. Madeline knew that Myra was there for one reason only — to be her friend, unconditionally.
There were times the professionals would tell Myra about behavioral problems they experienced with Madeline. But Myra believed the best in her friend, and that empowered Madeline to be her best self when she was with her mentor. Even after years, Myra never saw these “bad behaviors.”
This anomaly was actually consistent with findings of an outside evaluation done on Great Life Mentoring by the University of Massachuetts. It found that children participating in Great Life Mentoring reported time with their mentor as a stress relief, and they considered it “time away from their own behaviors.” The mentors brought out the best in their friends, and that gave the children time to experience who they really were inside. This best self was attainable under certain conditions, when the world around them was different from what they were use to.
With a true friend who is emotionally mature and consistently present over the long-term, the mentored child is empowered to be their very best self.
Through time with her mentor, Madeline found that her best self becomes “more alive and expressive” in a healthy relationship. She started to have dreams and ambition for her life, which motivated her to apply herself at school.
About three years into the relationship, a Great Life Mentoring staff member told this writer about sitting down with the two ladies while they talked about their mentoring experience together.
Myra talked about how “brave” Madeline is, and how she is “sweet and easy to be around.” They talked about how much she had grown to be proud of herself.
Madeline spoke about how her mentor poured positivity and encouragement into her life. That she was the most consistent and stable person in her life, and how this has helped her self-esteem. As if right on cue, Myra remarked about the “bright future” ahead for Madeline.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, there are a few factors for promoting recovery after trauma. Three of the five include things that Madeline received from her Great Life mentor. She was able to seek support from others, learn to feel good about her own actions and develop positive coping strategies to help her get through the bad events (and learn from them). These things were not intentionally taught by the Great Life mentor: They occurred as a natural result of their healthy relationship. That is an example of the Great Life Mentoring model.
Madeline told us, to her, “friendship is having someone you can trust and rely on,” and Myra became that person for her.
Contact Great Life Mentoring to mentor a child facing adversity — Our model will help you both become your best-self.
More resources for healing trauma and becoming your best self:
National Institute of Mental Health
https://www.nicabm.com/ National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine NICABM
Tara Brach — Healing Trauma
Recovering from Trauma — Psychology Today
How to Be Your Best Self — By Scott Barry Kaufman, Contributor. Scientific Director, The Imagination Institute
“We may get knocked down on the outside, but the key to living in victory is to learn how to get up on the inside.” ― Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential