What it Feels Like When the Whole World is Against You
Behavior problems are about unmet needs stemming from loneliness and isolation. Great Life Mentoring gleaned that from Dr. David Pitonyak nearly twenty years ago, and it became part of the program’s guiding philosophy. If those unmet needs could be met in the form of a mentor who provided consistent, stable, unconditional care, it only stands to reason that the behavior problems would dissipate. We’ve watched, and we’ve seen it play out hundreds of times. Here’s one of those times…
Jacob was like many of the kids referred to the program by their mental health therapist. He struggled with emotional regulation, social skills and poor self-esteem. He felt the whole world was against him, and he felt sensitive to that.
He was abandoned by his father early on, which created trust issues for Jacob, and a desire for attention. He didn’t have effective ways of making friends or keeping them. When you feel like the whole world is against you, the only thing that really matters is to have someone you can count on.
Lewis volunteered to be a Great Life mentor. He wanted to befriend a child who really needed him. During the mentor training time, the topic of empowerment came up, and Lewis confessed he knew nothing about it. He listened well and took the teaching to heart.
Once matched, Lewis and Jacob had a blast playing at the park, exploring and being active. They played brain games, which Jacob discovered he loves. The guys say they like “being goofy, joking around and laughing a lot” when they are together. All the while, Lewis has been authentic about empowering Jacob. He said he would practice it every time he saw him, and they’ve been friends for over three years now.
Eventually Jacob came to learn his mentor would not tell him what to do. He would not give his advice or opinion. Instead, Lewis took the time to ask his friend questions so Jacob could do the thinking for himself. At one point, Jacob says he realized that he had someone that really cared about him. He says Lewis listened, supported and encouraged him, and these things made Jacob feel important. His mom reported that Lewis has become “someone her son truly trusted,” which is just what she had wanted for him.
It’s been quite some time since Jacob experienced behavior problems. A person’s willingness and courage to keep on trying develops best when there is someone supportive close by. Jacob has that in his Great Life mentor. He told Lewis, “we have this great bond that I’ve never had with anyone.” Lewis says they both truly enjoy being their best selves together.
To volunteer in Vancouver WA or volunteer in Portland OR, contact Great Life Mentoring.